First of all, I want to say Happy Birthday to Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom, and our beloved queen Joanne Rowling!!! I can never never EVER thank you enough for the magical childhood you gave me :( one question though; did you have to end it? nah just kidding, I have learned that everything have to come to an end eventually, no matter how much those things mean in people’s heart.

I just need to tell you that both my kittens died, and now I feel like there’s nothing to live for. My childhood has ended, and now my cute friends are gone. I really don’t know what’s keeping me going until now, and I’m not exaggerating. My friends? AN ABSOLUTE NO. My dreams? they will never become reality anyway, so there’s no point in chasing them. Well, but I guess I still have my family :)

I tried so hard not to cry the past 3 days, because then I’d hate myself. I have never been able to allow myself to get down to the ‘weak point’. I hate being a weakling, I hate weaklings. I hate people who can just let their selves cry so easily, simply because I’m jealous of them but most of all, I hate myself.

And after Harry Potter ended, I can really feel the magic I’ve always feel around slowly fading. I know most of you won’t understand this, but that’s okay, I never expect anyone to. 

Do you know those nostalgic and familiar feelings you just can suddenly get just by feeling and looking at certain things? If yes, then maybe you can understand me. I always feel some kind of magic, nostalgic, familiar, and happy feelings whenever it’s cloudy, whenever it’s about to rain. There’s just something mysterious and oddly MAGICAL about the grey clouds, the wind, and the darkness it brings. Like, you are finally home.

I always feel homesick for a place that I don’t even know exists or not. And when it’s about to rain (or raining), I feel like I’m getting closer to that place.

And when all those magic gone, there’s nothing to look forward to anymore.

Hello. Think that I want to start posting again, i’ve got nothing to do lately lol.

Sometimes I just don’t have any idea about what shall I tell you people because nothing is interesting in my life, it’s just a typical school girl days with a lot more boredom, depression, sarcasm and cynical way of seeing things. So maybe I’m just going to write about anything that comes up to my mind, share my thoughts, in a cooler way of saying it. :)

I started the day with waking up at 5am as usual, but with a note that i only slept for 3 hours because i went to sleep at 2am in the fucking dawn. Oh God how I hate school. And oh yeah, I arrived at school on 06.40, meaning it’s 10mins later than the bell-ring, resulting I have to stand in a different row at the weekly flag ceremony. Awsum.

Nothing special during school, but I see some things are getting better with of course, the other getting worse. Can’t my life be perfect just for one day? (I don’t really mean this lol, no one wants to only have one perfect day in their entire life) I mean, when I finally get something right, something has to ruin it. Or is it just my feeling? it could be both. Beside, we already know that how we see things and depict it to other people is depending on our mood at the moment. So no one is actually a total pessimist nor optimist, it’s up to the mood. 

I think of myself as a part-time optimist, and full-time pessimist, though.

Everybody’s changing. My friends are changing, they’re slowly becoming a person they said they’d never be.

I can’t say Im not changing because I can’t judge myself, it’s just that I think I’m changing in a different way than my friends are. I didn’t say better or worse, just different. And it’s hard, you know, being different. It’s true that I want to stand out and be special but it’s also hard to know that no one is like you and you just don’t enjoy hanging out with your friends because you’re…different, you don’t connect with them anymore, you don’t see things the same way as them anymore, you don’t like what they like, nor hate what they hate.

And it’s even more sad when they started to leave you and treat you like an outcast, when they make you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, when you have to pretend to laugh around your own friends.

And it happened to me when we started to become teenager. I realized already that I’m different, I don’t like to talk about boys or those things my friends really like to talk about. Or when I want to talk about something I really like, they’d start to change the topic and leave my story fade in the background.

It was just like that and cool at the start, I could take that. I understand that Im different or simply put,lack of teenage girls’ common sense. But as time goes by, they started to forget me. They started to wish I leave the group because I’m weird. Some of them even intentionally talk about the things they know I don’t interested in to make me feel even more alone and different. I just laughed and pretended to be okay because I AM DIFFERENT AND I WON’T LOSE TO YOU JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE

You may think this is just a stupid teenage problems but I think it’s not because you know what? that long story about crap above is not the only problem I’ve got and I’m bad at English and telling stories so yeah, I’ll write about them more when I got the time, my hand’s starting to get hurt and no one’s probably going to read this long shit -____-

Sooo I’ve decided to start writing diary on my Tumblr. I think that’s a good idea because not a lot of people follow my blog and even if there are, there’s no one I know irl so yeah, that pretty much sums up my reason.

My life has been more and more miserable lately, i can’t even keep up with my mind anymore, it’s torturing me. The only thing I could come up for a come back to what ppl tell me lately is what the fuck.

And because writing is a pain in the ass (i love writing but writing a diary about my life for almost everyday is troublesome-_-) i’ve decided to post in on Tumblr!